Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
