Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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