He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
