Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i believe in u and ur pee
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
