was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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