i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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