So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
