Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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