Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
