she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
