Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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