I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
