Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
