K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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