I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize