I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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