I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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