Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
