Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
