physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
