Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
