There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
