Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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