Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
