yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
