He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
