New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
