I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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