You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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