We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
