he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
