Sry I called you an 8
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
pop tarts are not kleenex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
