i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
