I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
