Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
