Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
