i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
