glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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