dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so let's talk penis.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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