okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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