How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
