I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
