Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
