You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
