Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As shirtless as possible
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
