so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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