ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
