EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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