Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who wears a wallet chain?!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
