she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
