Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
