Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
