Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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