I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
