hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
