The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
