"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
