D3 body, D1 cock
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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