I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
