Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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