they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
