yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions