he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
