fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.