what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.