Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
