She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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