I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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