Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
