I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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