if you like me you must not know who I am
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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