Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
