my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
