dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
