ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
even my farts smell like vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
