i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Semen is not good for contacts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
