I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
