Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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