oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
